“We were not arrested” Rachel grinned and hopped off the motorbike.
“See, the whole time I kind of wish we were. Then we could
be on the front page of the New York Times. How cool would that be?” I replied.
Let me just start off by saying that I wasn’t doing anything
wrong. Well, anything that I understood to be wrong.
It started off as a typical Friday night. 11 of us were
crammed into a small Vietnamese karaoke room. Rachel and I were the only
Americans. Vietnamese karaoke is an interesting thing. Many of the songs are in
Vietnamese. However, there is a big song book of American music that I’m pretty
sure hasn’t been updated since 1978. Some of the roommates’ favorites
include Neil Diamond hits, John Lennon ballads, and the most requested song:
“Country Roads” by John Denver. Surreal is a good way to describe
the situation.
The karaoke bar closed at midnight, but still full of energy
we drove around town on our motorbikes. (Disclaimer: I don’t drive a motorbike,
I would die. I hop on the back of one with a roommate who has been driving for
years). Saigon at night is one of my favorite places, and the roommates wanted
to show Rachel and I the best view of the skyline. We hung out there for a
while, enjoying the night, watching the boats go by on the Saigon River, and
just generally being college kids.
L-O-Y-O-L-A |
Here is a quick breakdown of the police officers in Vietnam:
Green Uniform: Carries a beat stick, least educated, has no
real authority. The only thing they can do is pull you over and confiscate your
bike and/or drivers license. They usually can be bribed for a lump sum.
Khaki Uniform:
Carries a beat stick and a hand gun. Has more authority than green officer.
When green doesn’t know what to do about a situation they call a kaki officer.
They can do everything a green officer can do, except it’s going to cost you
more. Plus, they can arrest you.
Black Uniform: Carries a beat stick and an AK-47. No
nonsense. No excuses.
It was green officers who were interrogating us. ID’s were
to be shown, license and registration for each motorbike, as well as an
explanation as to what we thought we were doing. Rachel and I stood helplessly by as the
Vietnamese students would pass us every few minutes and mutter instructions
under their breath to us. We tried to be the ones to reason with the officers.
We were just students and tourists looking at the city. We even have
photographs to prove that we were just taking pictures. No dice. After a few
minutes of consulting with each other the green officers told us that we
weren’t allowed to move. We had to stay here, and there was nothing we could do
about it. They were calling in the khaki officers.
As the stakes went up, so did our game plan. Tung, one of my
closer friends, urgently looked at me and said, “Cry. Now.” I knew those acting
lessons as a child would someday pay off. I can breakdown in tears like a pro.
And breakdown I did.
My performance was worth at least a Golden Globe, if not an
Emmy, a Tony, and an Oscar. I sobbed into my hands. I demanded to go home. I
stomped off. I curled up into a ball on the corner of the street, hid my face
and wailed. The hardest part was not laughing the entire time. I made quite a
scene. People passing by on motorbikes kept slowing down and staring at my grand
performance. A homeless guy even walked up to watch what would happen next.
When the khaki officers finally showed up nearly 30 minutes
later, I was hiccuping in a corner loudly bemoaning my fate. The green
officers couldn’t even bear to look at me. In the next ten minutes,
negotiations were settled. Instead of paying the initial 2 million VND (~$100)
per person, and confiscating all the motorbikes, we would only have to pay
200,000 VND (~$10) total because that was “all the money we could pool
together” . At that point the khaki officers didn’t even seem to care about the
money, they just wanted to make sure I stopped crying and got off the street as
soon as possible. The line that got us off the hook was, "these are American's you don't want to make a bad impression, do you?"
When we finally escaped I couldn’t help but laugh as the
Vietnamese students explained the details to me. It could have been (and should
have been) much, much worse. The cops were out to make money or fill their jail
quota, and we looked like prime suspects. Unfortunately for them, it didn’t exactly turn
out as planned.
By this time it was 2:30 in the morning. What do you do at
2:30 in the morning? Go for pho of course. Just another day in Vietnam.